Viet Nam Adoptive Family Interviews : An Introduction

What would you recommend to families to foster attachment between parent and child?

The Engelbrecht Family - Skin-to-skin contact. A lot of playful interaction.

Christina - Hold your child as much as you can, be the one to feed him and provide for his needs, try to keep things predictable and routine, as much as possible. While in Vietnam, we read Zeeb the same books and watched the same videos over and over and we tried to keep meals and naptimes at the same times every day. Once we got home, we continued to keep things on a schedule and were the primary caregivers for Zeeb. He didn’t have a babysitter or go to his class at church by himself until he had been home for more than six months. I think that really helped him feel bonded to us.

The Mynes Family - Singing or humming, cuddling, reading and/or let them play in your lap, let the child take their nap laying in you arms or on your chest, when you are feeding your child a bottle let them touch your face and make sure they are looking at you so they get familiar with your face.

The Micheline Family – Gracie was not interested in a lot of affection when she first came home, so we basically provided her with tons of companionship and unconditional love. We let her set the pace. We knew she had been through a lot, and although it was disappointing (and sometimes heartbreaking) when she would turn from us when she was most in need of security, love, and comfort, we just kept offering her all we had. It was an absolute joy when she started kissing and hugging us, without being begged ;-)

I think patience is key. Talk soothingly, offers lot of security regardless of affection level. Be there as much as you can. Understand the tears are from confusion and frustration and even fear, not necessarily from boredom or spite.

We did not do much attachment parenting (such as co-sleeping or baby-wearing). I couldn't physically do either. My balance due to my spinal problems is completely iffy WITHOUT a twenty-pound baby strapped to my chest! And my husband and I both have severe cases of restless leg syndrome, so we weren't going to chance Gracie being kicked out of bed like a football at the Super Bowl. Our philosophy is that we are a family unit, and the best way to encourage bonding and trust is to treat one another with love, honesty, and respect at all times. We've always treated Gracie like an individual and not a little baby doll- we've tried to look at her emotions and experiences and balance them with our own. It works for us, but I know many many families that have done extensive attachment parenting and had much success. I think looking back on the last year, the key is love and patience.

If you wore your child in a baby carrier, which kind do you recommend?

The Engelbrecht Family - Baby Bjorn

Christina - We got a Sutemi hoping it would help with bonding, but Zeeb was really too heavy for it and he didn’t like being constrained like that. But my daughter R~ liked it, even though she was way too big for it. :)

The Mynes Family - Yes we did & we bought a great carrier BABY BJORN, we got it at Babies R Us. We did some great bonding with this.

Next: "Bonding"

Related Reading:
How to Teach Your Family About Attachment
Baby Wearing
Attachment Parenting and Sleeping
Baby Carrier Reviews-part 1
Baby Carrier Reviews-part 2

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