Viet Nam Adoptive Family Interviews : An Introduction

How did your child adjust to their new life in the US?

The Engelbrecht Family - She adjusted very easily. She is just very adaptable

Christina - I was amazed at how well Zeeb adjusted to his new life. It wasn’t instant perfection of course, but considering how many changes he had to deal with and just all the chaos of coming into a family of 6 at Christmas time, he did great. The biggest hurdle for us what his language – he held onto his Vietnamese for probably 4 months and he would get frustrated when we didn’t understand him.

Honestly a lot of this has faded from my memory already (!!) but I did blog a lot about the adjustment including here and here and here.

The Mynes Family - For parent and child I think adjusting to your new lives just needs time. For us the first 2 weeks of being home were the worst weeks ever. It took Leland a while to get use to his new surroundings. We rocked him countless hours in his room so he would be more familiar with it. My mother came over to spend the night a couple of times (to get up with Leland in the night) so we could get some sleep and gain some of our sanity back. I also think that children are very adaptable to new changes, more so than adults. After the 2 weeks things just suddenly seemed a lot better. As days turn to weeks you develop a routine/ schedule and your life just falls back into place before you know it. We came home with Leland in July, Chris went back to work in August and I went back to work in September, by then I felt like Leland knew who we were and was very comfortable with us and his new home. Leland has adjusted very well to his new life. He feels very comfortable playing with all his cousins and enjoys spending time with his grandparents. He marches around here with confidence, being busy and exploring everything in his little world.

The Micheline Family – I think Gracie just dived right in. She loves people, loves chatting with people all over. Our community is mainly retirement age and older, so she basically had hundreds of grandparents fawning over her wherever we went!


How did you adjust to life with a new child at home?

The Engelbrecht Family - It took a while to get used to a new schedule. I recommend someone staying home as long as possible

Christina - It was hard at first – being so jet-lagged and tired from our trip and dealing with the language barrier and all that. But Zeeb fits so well with our other 3 kids, they all play together and just enjoy being together and that helped a lot. It never felt like he was an outsider with them, it was like he had a place waiting for him all along.

The Mynes Family - We had help from our family members. The support from each other. Sleep. A daily routine when we went back to work

The Micheline Family – Wow. This was very very hard for me, and still is. I ADORE Gracie, and can't imagine life without her, but I'm still having a hard time adjusting to being someone's parent. The best thing I have done was do research on the "myths of perfect motherhood" and read a ton of books on modern parenting. It was a huge comfort to find out that I'm doing okay, even though I'm not a traditional stay-at-home-mom. A lot of women who have gone through adoptions and/or infertility (many of my friends) have this weird feeling that we are expected to be grateful and happy and OKAY with every minute of being a mom because we fought so hard to get to these moments, to be mothers. But it's too much. The truth is, our children are still children no matter where they were adopted from! They can still make a mess in 5 seconds flat, and make our heart stop when they cough in the middle of the night. Being a parent is exhausting and emotionally draining, no matter how you get there. But it's such a *good* drain.

What tips or hints can you give to families about adjusting to life at home?

Christina - If at all possible, I think it really helps to have one parent at home with your new child for as long as possible. I’m a stay-at-home mom so I’m with Zeeb every day all day – except for the occasion girls’ night out when Hubby is home with him. I think this helped Zeeb attach to us and feel secure in his new home sooner. When we did finally leave him, in the 3 year olds room at church, he did really well. But we waited over six months before we left him with anyone other than family.

Also, I think it’s important to give yourselves a lot of grace. Things aren’t going to be perfect and there are going to be hard days – everyone loses their temper or has a good cry now and then. Remind yourself that the first months are tough for everyone and just take it one day at a time. Before you know it, it will feel like your child has always been a part of your family.

The Mynes Family - Sleep for you and your child, and time. Try to get a routine down and stick with it.

Next: "Dealing With the Public"

Related Reading:
Adjusting to a New Home
How to Help Your Animals Adjust to the New Addition
Preschoolers and Adjustment

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