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In my post earlier this evening I wrote about the importance of listening to and learning from adoptees. This idea was driven home by my social worker at our home study update visit a few weeks ago as she talked about the benefits that adoptive parents can gain from learning from the experiences of adult adoptees. Another area that we discussed was living in a racially diverse area. As many of readers know, my family is in the (very long) process of moving, and it hasn’t been an easy one. Our house is still on the market and we are living with my parents until we sell and can move out and on. We planned to stay here to avoid the stresses and pressures of selling a house and then needing to immediately find a new one to have a roof over your head. So this was a planned move and we’re enjoying the time with family, but the weeks have turned into months, and….you see where this is going.
We still haven’t decided where it is that we want to call our new home. Racial diversity is a key deciding factor, as are the quality of schools, affordability and family friendliness. I find myself greatly torn, as it would be really nice to live close to my family, but this is an area starkly lacking in diversity. We have been to many community events and library music times and such, and Ella is almost always the only non white person in attendance, and that’s not ok with me. But I also don’t like the idea of being far from family. I waver back and forth and can’t come to a comfortable decision. My husband tells me that when we find the right town, it will all fall in to place. Well, I’m too impatient and worry too much for that.
So we decided to talk to our social worker about this issue when she came over for our home visit. She felt very strongly that the diversity of a town trumps the proximity to family. A big part of the reason she advised us in this direction was the fact that she got to meet our extended family at the visit. She had no doubts that we would see them regularly, wherever we wind up, and they will do everything in their power to continue their close bonds with Ella. I think she’s right. We need to do what is best for our family, and the one thing that is clear is that we do want to be in an area where our children can spot a face similar to their own wherever we go.
Of course, now it’s winter and the real estate market has totally stalled, so I’m sure our impending move won’t be till spring at least. So for now I’ll keep doing research like a crazy woman. Much of what I’ve found; mostly from the words of teenage and adult adoptees, tells me that we’re making a move in the right direction and it will benefit the whole family.
More Reading:
Life With Ella – Moving On
Where to Live…where to live
I don’t pretend to know all the answers, but I’ll tell you that we relocated to a more diverse area. DH is Okinawan and DD is AA. I’m CC. We were blissfully living in the country near a CC small town. It was all great until one day it hit me like a brick. DD would never have anyone in her class who looked like her…no one in the whole school really. So, we relocated.
Tanks for writing about this issue. I live in Sweden and I never came across this issue in Swedish adoption circles. I’m a single mom with a 14 months boy waiting in Vietnam (delays due to paperwork in the province where he lives, in Nghe An). I live in the capital, Stockolm and the population is more and more ethnically mixed, but there are areas which are completetly ‘white’ as well. I will move from my white suburb to another more diverse nearby.
You mentioned that your social worker referred to experience from adult adoptees and it would be interesting to know more. Do you have more info about the experience from adult adoptees, some study or article?