Actually, the title of this post should be “The Assumptions People Make About How a Parent-Child Relationship Was Formed, and the Assumptions I Make Right Back at Them” but that’s just too long. I (and most transracial adoptive parents I know) talk and unnecessarily concern ourselves with how other people think or might possibly think about our families. It’s a good thing to have those thoughts shaken up a bit, and that’s exactly what happened to me last week.

Ella and I were having a lovely time at the grocery store picking up a few things. As long as the trip is timed right (not interfering with a nap or meal,) she really is a wonderful shopping partner. As we were debating over which size bag of rice to buy a fellow shopper became stuck next to us. She couldn’t get her cart through due to other shoppers, so she turned and said hi to Ella. Miss Ella started acting shy then realized that this woman had glasses on and Ella pantomimed that she should remove them. As any grandma would do, this complete stranger did whatever Ella asked.

Their little interaction led to some basic small talk about how old she is, and so on. Then this woman said something along the lines of “My daughter’s raising Eurasian kids too.” Turns out her son in law is Taiwanese, so her grand kids are half Caucasian and half Taiwanese. We eventually parted ways when I realized that she had said “too.” She assumed that Ella was my biological daughter. To my knowledge this has never happened before. I’m usually over defending my child in my head to any anti-adoption sentiments that may come my way. But it had never occurred to me that people might not think that she was adopted.

The assumption didn’t leave me feeling any different than before, but it did make me think, and I appreciate that woman for shaking me up a little bit. Perhaps by making my own assumptions that people are going to assume and say hurtful things to me, I’m not always able to receive the positive affirmations too. As my dear husband would say “When you assume, you make an *insert another name for donkey here* out of you and me.”

More Reading:
Are you Ready to Never Blend in Again?
How Much Did She Cost?