A few days ago we rescheduled the home visit portion of our home study with our social worker for this Sunday morning. We’re excited to see her and move forward in our second adoption; but having a home visit inevitably seems to dredge up a bit of nervousness on the part of adoptive parents. My husband and I are no exception. While we’re not nervous, per se, we did realize that we needed to discuss a few things before Sunday to be sure we were still on the same page. So that led to tonight’s post about conversations to have with your partner if you are adopting as part of a pair.

The home visit will be mostly an interview where your social worker will ask you questions about parenting ideals, transracial families, how you plan to discipline, what your childhood was like, and many other pretty deep topics of conversation. Knowing that you have your visit scheduled presents the perfect opportunity to sit down with your partner and talk about the things that may have been weighing on your mind, or the two of you haven’t fully resolved. Here are some jumping off points:

What age and sex child do we want to adopt?

Are we willing to adopt a child with any special needs? If so, which would and would not be comfortable to us?

How do we plan to foster our child’s cultural heritage and encourage interactions with members outside of our race?

How were we disciplined and treated as children? How do we plan to discipline our own child?

How will we handle unsupportive friends and family or rude strangers who pry with too many questions?

Do we have a plan for ensuring that our child’s story remains private? How will we respond when asked about their background?

What plans do we have for coming home with our new child? Is our house ready? Are our other kids and/or animals prepared?

How will we foster bonding and attachment?

Overall, it’s just a good idea to lay all your cards out on the table. It would be uncomfortable for all involved to hear your partner give an answer that completely contradicts your views and you had no idea that they felt that way during the home visit. It’s also good practice for parenting when working as a team and presenting a united front is extremely valuable.

One of the topics my husband and I discussed tonight was about where the new baby would sleep when we came home, and the adjustment that would be necessary if we moved shortly after we got home. Of course, this is all subject to change, but we’ll start off keeping Ella in her room and the baby in with us. The move depends a whole lot on the real estate market, but even more on how both our kids are doing with the new adjustment. The last thing we want is to have a new daughter just start to get used to a new home and then we switch it all up again. We’re flexible and will stay put for as long as necessary if that’s what will be best for our new addition and our family as a whole.

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More Reading:
How to Prepare for Your Home Study
One Step Closer - Our Home Study Progress
We're Adopting Again!!!