Viet Nam Adoption Blog

05/25/07

Life With Ella - The Power of Time

Posted by : Rebecca in Viet Nam Adoption Blog at 02:12 pm , 364 words, 113 views  
Categories: Family Life, Life With Ella, Parenting
copyright rebecca hess 2007

When a woman gives birth to a baby, she often will remark that she was able to forget the pain of pregnancy and labor as soon as she saw her baby’s face. Many say that this is how women go on to birth more than one child. For us, it’s different, but similar at the same time.

Our first days in Viet Nam with Ella, and even more so, the first weeks at home, seem surreal. I’m not quite sure how we got through it, but I think a large part was not being completely aware of how hard it was at the time. The adjustment to parenthood was difficult and we were completely in survival mode for quite awhile. Now that we’ve settled in and have somewhat of a handle on this parenthood thing, I’m almost shocked and surprised by my memories of those early days.

Although I remember the screaming and crying (mine mostly) because she wouldn’t sleep; the memory seems surreal. Just like the mom who forgets the pain of pushing when she sees her baby’s face, I have forgotten those days. Not literally, but I have forgotten enough to rarely think of them. Now that my daughter has blossomed into a giggling, happy toddler who loves her mommy, I have managed to forget the frantic nights spent blankly, desperately clinging to my husband as we just shook our heads because we just didn’t know what to do.

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And now that I know that parenting most certainly does improve with time, I understand how people can add more children to their families. If I were to judge child raising based solely on those first sleep deprived weeks with a scared baby who was only trying to figure out what was going on in her life, I would call myself and all parents crazy. Now that those times are behind us (of course we still have struggles, but they are much easier to handle now that we know each other better,) I am much more optimistic and can start to look forward to the future.



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Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: soblessed [Member] Email
This experience totally mirrors mine!! I cannot believe how "convinced" I was we would never adopt again....we just weren't cut out for this. So many, many people told me a variant of "this too shall pass". Now, almost six months later, it is a very different story.......

Many, many days, months, years of happiness with your Ella :)
PermalinkPermalink 05/25/07 @ 17:08
Comment from: Karianne [Member] Email · http://fertilityblogs.com
What an adorable pic!

My pregnancy and delivery of our daughter went just fine. Those early months and yes, (Yikes!) years were so stressful for me that I still have reservations about another pregnancy.

Our adoption was completely different. Every thing was smooth and still is.

You are right about parenting improving with time. Mostly, I think that it is the sleep deprivation that is the clincher!

www.fertilityblogs.com
PermalinkPermalink 05/26/07 @ 08:45
Comment from: Chromesthesia [Member] Email
Since that scenerio could be in my future, how would you advice a young first-time parent having gone through it and knowing what you know now?
PermalinkPermalink 05/26/07 @ 09:08
Comment from: Rebecca [Member] Email · http://vietnam.adoptionblogs.com
It's amazing how many of our experiences are similar, isn't it? :) It's also comforting to know that there are others in the same shoes and the "this too shall pass" mantra is a great one! And sleep really does play a huge part in how we're able to function; it's amazing how 8 am is late to me now!

Chromesthesia, I think just taking it one day (or minute) at a time is the best advice I could give. Realizing that it is completely normal to have a tough time at first and that your feelings and emotions are normal can help too. Bringing a baby or child home for the first time is an extremely overwhelming event that takes some time to get used to. Enjoying the good times and trying to have patience during the tough times is important - as is forgiving yourself that the tough times even happened :) It really is worth every second (good and bad!)

take care,
Rebecca
PermalinkPermalink 05/31/07 @ 20:09
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