Is it possible (or probable) that our kids will someday resent the fact that they were treated like every other non-adopted kid, or will they appreciate it? I fairly regularly hear people assure me that Ella’s just like every other child her age. Friends, family members and perfect strangers have all told me at some point that “all kids her age do that/act that way/et cetera.” And as much as I know that she’s a normal kid who is no different than her peers in many ways, she is in a way that she doesn’t realize just yet.

There are some times that I resent people telling me that she’s just like all the other kids. This usually occurs when said person seems to be trying to comfort or assure me that my child is not different, even though she was adopted. It seems to tie right in with the ‘adoption as second best’ way of thinking. There have been instances like these where the person speaking seems as if they are trying to compensate for the fact that she fact that she was adopted, as if it were something to be pitied. There have been times when “All kids her age act shy like that” comes across as “Don’t worry honey, even though your poor child was adopted and will never be your *real* child, try to ignore that and focus on the things that make her “normal”.”

As much as I don’t want her to feel different in an outsider or outcast way, she is unique. Her background and her life experiences are ones that as a non-adoptee, I can’t fully understand. So as much as she is similar to all the other kids (and if you can stand a bragging mom moment here….far superior to them ;) ,) she is special. She has a unique heritage and history that deserve to be recognized and appreciated. Making her just like all the others kind of negates those unique and special parts of her life that make her who she is.

I hope and plan to talk about topics like this with her when she gets older. I’m sure there will be stages of her life that she will rather blend in and be just like the rest of the group. But I hope that she’ll also come to be happy about her adoption, her family and her life and embrace that which makes her so special.

I’d love to hear other parents’ thoughts on this…has this ever occurred to you or am I just being the over thinker that I am?

Photo credit

More Reading:
Adoption: Second Best?