It seems that society will never wise up; will never educate themselves and will continue to ask rude and horrible questions of adoptive parents and kids. We all know that when we adopt transracially, we will be walking billboards for adoption and we'd better prepare for those ignorant questions and comments. Well, as much as we tell ourselves we will be prepared, it's often not that easy. If your personality is one that cringes at the thought of confrontation or if you have a temper that flares out of control, you may need some practice to be able to diffuse and calmly handle any situation that may arise.

I think that role playing (with people or in your own head) is invaluable. It may seem silly, but we will most likely be faced with nosey, rude strangers when our children are present. It's my desire to show Ella how to deal with society that prompted me to look further into this topic and try and prepare for the day that someone asks me how much she costs or if I'm her real mom.

In all the research that I've done, my favorite response that I keep coming back to is "Why do you ask?" This can be used in so many situations and it places the pressure right back on the person asking the intrusive comment. Perhaps they are actually considering adoption and you can educate them; but if they're just nosey, you certainly do not need to spend another moment on them. A simple "We don't discuss our family issues with strangers" or "That's personal" followed by continuing on with your business seems to be the best plan. This shows your child that they don't need to tell anyone anything that they're not comfortable with and it protects the family unit by keeping aspects of your adoption private.

In my perfect fantasy world I have all the snappy comebacks and witty retorts that leave people gasping, but that's just not me. So I'll try my best to diffuse any ugly situation before it can even become a blip on my (and my daughter's) radar.

Related Links:
Dealing with Questions and Comments
You Don't "Get" Adoption?
What do you Say When...