Although the winter holiday season is advertised as a glorious, warm, family centered time of peace and love, it can be the exact opposite for many people. The holidays make the loss of a loved one more poignant, financial problems rear their ugly heads amidst the commercialism of the season, and those waiting to bring their child home may feel depressed and lonely, even if they’re surrounded by family and friends.

Almost every adoptive family I know sets their hopes upon having their child home for the holidays. For some reason, bringing your new son or daughter home by December is huge to so many people. In many cases, parents have been waiting years for a family and now that they’re so close to having one, they almost can’t endure the waiting. Daydreams and images of your child opening gifts, sharing in family traditions and spending time with loved ones can make the holidays extra hard to get through if that child is not there to take part in the festivities.

There are a few things you can try to help get through the holiday season as you wait for your referral or wait for your travel date to be secured. Helping others will help you in return. Giving of yourself to those less fortunate will give you some perspective and hopefully leave you with a sense of fulfillment and peace (even if just for the short term.)

By all means, feel free to take a step back and spend a quiet holiday in whichever fashion you so choose. If the large parties and get togethers are draining and the thought of traveling is making you cringe, make other plans. You aren’t obligated to anyone but yourself and you need to take care of yourself and your own growing family (even when a member is waiting in Viet Nam.) Try to only commit to what you are comfortable with and take some time for yourself.

If you have your referral and are waiting to travel, include your new child in the festivities to whatever length you feel comfortable. They can have a stocking or a special gift that can be brought to Viet Nam. If you know other families who will be traveling before you, you can send the gift with them and ask them to take photos of your child with the item. Consider lighting a candle next to a framed picture of your child to remind everyone that part of your heart is in Viet Nam, and hopefully they’ll be home for next year’s holiday to celebrate with everyone.

Above all else, take care of yourself and try not to overextend your commitments. Feeling sad and depressed during the holidays is normal, so reach out to others who can support you during this season.

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More Reading:
Foster Children at Christmastime
Building Family Traditions
How Much is Too Much?