There are plenty of magazine articles and blog posts about the adoptive parent – “real” parent issue. It is a genuine concern for many in the process that they aren’t sure if they will ever feel like their child’s real parent. Can they love a child not born to them? Will they feel like that child is really theirs despite different blood running through them? If they have biological children, will it feel the same? Of course this thought entered my mind, as did every fear and negative experience that could possibly happen.

Luckily, that fear has been shattered and obliterated. Now that Ella has been home for over six months and I have had some time to let this parenting thing sink in, I realize that I am completely, 100% her real mom. That’s not to discount her birthmom; her birthmom in Viet Nam is real too, but there’s no doubt about the fact that this kid is mine and I am hers and there’s no other way about it. Any thought that not giving birth to a child would impact my ability to bond with them is completely out the window, and frankly, it’s funny to me now that the thought would have ever entered my mind.

I find immense joy in the mundane mommy things that others may take for granted. To be able to laugh with another parent about poop in the tub and removing my screaming child from Old Navy and how to help her learn new skills is thrilling. These things prove my realness, as if any proof is necessary.

It is the small, everyday little things that cement us together. Bath time, meals and naps have brought us together and now there’s no separating us. I dare anyone to tell me that I (the one who cares for her 24/7 and who has given her my heart,) am not her real mom. Go ahead…I dare ya.


Related Links:
Entitlement Issues: Are we the Real Parents?
Forgiveness-Abby's Message to Adoptive Parents
"Less-Than" Moms
I am a Real Mother

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