Coming home after spending multiple weeks in Viet Nam can be difficult. Of course, it is a huge relief to finally be home and able to officially start your new life as a family, but it can be really stressful too. In Viet Nam we didn’t have to cook, clean, drive, work or do laundry. We had practically unlimited time to figure out this parenting thing and do nothing but spend time with one another. Within a day or two of being home, the hugeness of being a parent really hit me and it took months for me to figure out a good groove for all of us to function in.

I was completely shocked that I felt so overwhelmed and exhausted in the US because things had been very smooth in Viet Nam. I can look back now and realize the stark differences that made living in one country easier than the other, but at the time I thought I had completely lost my mind, was a terrible mother and it was never going to get any easier. I was wrong, but noone could have convinced me of that at the time.

Since Ella was such a charming and easygoing baby, we thought the transition from Viet Nam to US would be easy. Again, we were wrong. Although I do think she did incredibly well, it was still difficult for her to get used to a new house, new people, a crib, etc. And on top of that my husband and I had no idea what we were doing, so the three of us were learning together and thankfully had faith somewhere deep inside that it would work out and things would get easier.

It’s important for Prospective Adoptive Parents (PAPs) to be aware that the time spent in Viet Nam may not be indicative of how life and parenting will be upon returning home. Once life starts back up again and everyone is being pulled in a trillion different directions, the reality sets in and it can be quite a shock. Enjoy the time alone together as a family in Viet Nam and use that time to fuel up your resources. Try to come up with a mantra such as ‘this too shall pass’ or ‘one breath at a time’ that you can use to remind yourself that you will get through the rough patches.

Just being aware that you may be thrown back a few pegs after coming home can be enough to help you get through any difficult moments that may come your way. It’s an adjustment period for the whole family, and realizing that you will likely need some time to adjust (just like your new child will,) can help you remain calm and understand that this normal period of transition is but one stage that everyone will outgrow. In hindsight I wish that I had been told that; but honestly, I’m not sure that I would have listened ;)

photo credit: Rebecca Hess

More Reading:
This Time Last Year: Flying Home from Viet NamThis Time Last Year: Homecoming!
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