This was the statement that came out of Ella’s pediatrician’s mouth at our most recent office visit. It was said to the physician’s assistant student who is training with our doctor. Ella’s examination with the doctor was over and she was reaching towards this student. She really wanted to get at the blinds covering the window behind her, but I said “Oh, do you want a hug?” and the student smiled, to which our doctor replied “You don’t hug adopted kids.” Huh.

I am fully aware about the importance of attachment and I know that this doctor did not think we should let anyone hold Ella when we first got home, but I was a little taken aback by her comment. She said it lightly and kind of laughed it off a bit, but it was still a little strange at the moment. We’ve been home about seven months and she (the doctor) does nothing but make positive comments about Ella’s attachment with her mom and dad, her intelligence and her progress. Clearly, she is doing fine, and if she wanted to hug this lady….I wouldn’t have batted an eyelash. If she reached up to her, said “mama” and nuzzled into her neck, then I would have been concerned. And she really did only want the adjustment stick to the blinds anyway.

I’m going to chalk it all up to the fact that the doctor is trying to educate the student about how to work with internationally adopted kids, and the importance of letting them bond with mom and dad first and foremost before anyone else. But I have to hope that she’s not teaching hard and fast rules about adopted kids, because not all rules apply to all kids. And some parents choose to keep their new baby to themselves and some do not. I hope that this physician’s assistant in training has enough common sense to realize what a parent has chosen to do in regards to their child and to respect their choices-whatever they may be.




Related Links:
How to Teach Your Family About Attachment
Choosing a Pediatrician