International adoption is becoming a route that more and more parents look to when they wish to have children. This increasing popularity has led to their being an increased awareness about the specific needs and situations of adopted children and their families. I was recently contacted by a graduate student at Harvard who has created a survey for adoptive parents that will aid her in her studies.

Wendy Valentine is working towards her graduate degree in human development and psychology at the school’s graduate school of education. Being the older sister to two sisters who were adopted internationally from China, she has an interest in the area of international adoption and sought my help to get more adoptive parents to take her study. As more and more people are touched by adoption I am sure that there will be increased interest in the subject, as Wendy has illustrated.

She and her research team are looking to gain a better understanding of child development in the adopted child; specifically how children aged 4 to 10 are affected by their adoption experiences. I think this is a great idea; it’s research like this that can give us as parents key things to look for as our children grow. This is just me throwing around ideas, but I would be really interested to also have a survey that could be taken by biological parents as well as adoptive parents whose children are in the same age group and compare the answers to see what similarities and differences there may be.

Anyone interested in taking the survey can click the link to it HERE. The survey takes about ten minutes and is completely anonymous. At the end you will be able to view the summary of the survey’s results. If you know of any other adoptive parents who may be interested in taking this short survey, please forward this information or send them here for the link.

More Reading:
When People Think Lighter is Better
They Forget I'm Asian
The Power of the Eye Crease

Welcome to the Viet Nam Adoption Blog Roll. Any blog authors who write blogs concerning adopting from Viet Nam are more than welcome to join us over here. There is so much for us all to learn from each other, and blogs are an excellent medium in which to share our lives, experiences, families and memories of Viet Nam. Families at all stages of the adoption process who have blogs are encouraged to join our blog roll.

I plan to keep this list going and will repost it as needed, as sites are added. If you would like to be added to the Viet Nam Adoption Blog Roll, please post your link in the comments section below or email me at rebeccah@adoptionblogs.com

If you would be so kind as to add a link back to this blog, I would be ever so appreciative :) If you would like an adoptionblogs.com logo to go along with that link, just let me know-thanks!

I know I'm posting January's blog roll a day early, but I thought those of you who were home today and tomorrow might have some time to do some blog surfing and would appreciate the new links now :)

Finding Sweetness
Ginger Blue
Here We Come Vietnam
Journey to Our Child
Three Times a Mom
With Arms Wide Open
Mrs. Broccoli Guy
Worth the Wait
Reflecting the Light of the Moon
Our Journey to Our Baby Girl in Vietnam
Bringing Home Blanket
The Leonard Log
Waiting for Sweet Pea
Bull City Emorys
Adopting Adam
Maisy Joins the Pack (leave your blog address in the password request form and it will be emailed to you)

To read a little bit more about why I love blogs, click here and here. Getting a glimpse into others’ lives who are going through similar things can be so comforting, because it helps us to realize that there are others going through the same exact thing (whatever that may be at the time.) Many friendships have been made over blogs and I hope that this ongoing blogroll project will help you all connect with others out there to offer and/or gain support, advice and comfort.

More Reading:
Ethiopia Adoptive Family Blogroll
Special Needs Adoption Blogroll
Adoptive Family Blogroll

I have a secret that I only just tonight shared with my husband. There’s a part of me that wishes we would find ourselves faced with the opportunity to live in Viet Nam for an extended period of time. There is something about leaving behind all of this American life and experiencing Viet Nam from a different level that is incredibly appealing. Honestly, this is shocking to me. I’m a homebody, I love my friends and family and don’t like to go long without seeing them, yet I have a secret desire to live on the other side of the world!

Some American adoptive families who take up residence in Viet Nam are there because they are offered no choice. If there is a NOID granted to their child and the United States decides that the child is not an orphan by their standards and refuses the child’s visa, the family cannot return home with them. They may choose to move to Viet Nam and wait out the couple of years it takes for them to be able to enter the US as a family. Still others choose Viet Nam to make their home for varied reasons.

By adopting a Vietnamese child I feel linked to the country of her birth. Perhaps it’s a dream of ‘getting away from it all’ or maybe I’m intrigued by the idea of Ella experiencing her birth country first hand without feeling like a jet lagged, out of place tourist or the fact that the International Schools look wonderful. Regardless, I doubt we’ll be packing up and heading to Viet Nam to stay (now my mom can breathe a sigh of relief!) but it’s still a thought I’ll hang on to. Does anyone else share thoughts like these?

If you’re like me and want to take a look into what it might be like to live as an American in Viet Nam, check out these sites:

Expat Vietnam offers classified ads and information for expatriates (people who live temporarily or permanently outside of their country/culture of legal residence.)

Allo’Expat offers advice and classified for expats in Viet Nam.

Living in Viet Nam is a great site full of useful information for expatriates.

Expat Women helps all women living outside of their home country with a variety of resources and forums to talk with others living a similar experience. Their Viet Nam specific webpage is full of useful links.

photo credit

Ha Long Bay (which means Bay of the Descending Dragon in Vietnamese,) is a popular day trip for adoptive families staying in Hanoi. Located in the Quang Ninh province on the Vietnamese coast of the South China Sea, the area is made up of fishing villages where the locals live in floating houses. It is comprised of over a thousand islands and inlets, many of which are uninhabited, lending to their overwhelming beauty. The limestone pillars in the seascape are said to be breathtaking.

The journey to Ha Long Bay starts with a car or bus ride to the site where you will board your boat for a tour of the area. Most trips will include an on-board meal as you float along the water. You will encounter the local Vietnamese people who make their living and their lives on the calm water, get to view the amazing scenery (Ha Long Bay is currently a UNESCO World Heritage Site,) and relax and enjoy some time outside of the hustle and bustle of the city.

Many families who will be waiting for a few days before meeting their child will book their Ha Long Bay excursion for those pre-child days, as the trip can be difficult with a baby or child in tow. I have heard from families that it was a little harrowing walking from boat to boat to reach their assigned vessel, and wondered how they would have accomplished that with a little one along for the trip. Trips vary from day trips to overnight excursions. Talk to your adoption agency for assistance in booking your trip; they should be able to arrange all of the details for you so you only need to be in your hotel’s lobby at a certain time and the rest is taken care of for you.

We chose not to visit Ha Long Bay when we were in Viet Nam because we didn't want to be separated from her for a whole day and didn't feel comfortable taking her along, but I really hope we are able to the next time we’re there. From what I understand, it’s not terribly expensive, but it is a long day. Ever family that I have heard from who has experienced it said that it was a moving, remarkable experience.

photo credit

More Reading:
Touring Ha Long Bay
UNESCO - Ha Long Bay

There are times when I am quick on my feet and fully able to answer someone’s questions about adoption with answers that leave both the questioner and I satisfied. There are other times that I’m left feeling unsettled about the exchange and I wish I would have answered differently, phrased something in another way or offered information that I hadn’t thought to at the time. At a holiday gathering last week I was faced with a situation that fell somewhere in the middle of those two scenarios, but ultimately came out on the positive end.

While chatting with a family friend, our second adoption came up. She has asked questions about adoption before, so I wasn’t really surprised when the subject was broached. I’m always eager and open to talking, but do still find myself shocked when asked questions that clearly come from a place of complete ignorance. Basically, I was asked about the children that are available for adoption. She wanted to know if they were just bought for lot of money or if ‘they just really didn’t want them.’ I answered with the latter of the two choices, then one of our kids needed us and our conversation was abruptly cut to an end. I was left to stew in my response, feeling guilty and disappointed in myself for answering such a complex question with an answer that I don’t believe to be true 100 percent of the time. Sure, sometimes parents don’t want to be parents, but I think that a greater number of times, it’s that they can’t parent. They don’t have the resources, the family support, the means to keep their little one alive.

So when back in the same room a little bit later on in the evening and talking about something totally different, I said “you know…about why kids are placed for adoption…I really don’t think it’s because they’re not wanted. A lot of times it’s because the parents just can’t raise them. It’s sad, actually.” She agreed. I’m still annoyed with myself that I didn’t give that answer at first, but I am proud of myself for re-opening the conversation, sharing what I thought and hopefully giving her something to think about.

photo credit

More Reading:
Dealing With the Public
How Much Did She Cost?
Saying Too Much
Relationship Assumptions

I’ve recently made a foray into the world of digital scrapbooking and I think I’m hooked. I’m certainly not going to give up my paper scrapbooking, but this is an awesome creative outlet and I find it easier to make the time to do because I don’t have to drag out all of my supplies, find space to work and ensure that no babies or cats get into my work. Digital scrapbooking is done completely on your computer. There are many fancy (re: expensive) programs that you can work with, but I’ve found a free program (Scrapbook Flair) and free items to work with and am excited about it. Since I still haven’t completed Ella’s lifebook, I’m thinking about working on a digital one for her.

Digital scrapbooking is very similar to traditional paper scrapbooking, in that it can be done in a very simple, sparing fashion or done with heavy embellishments and intricate designs. I like having the freedom, especially in a lifebook, to be able to express my emotions and family’s history is any way that I choose. If you have a scanner, you can scan in memorabilia such as plane tickets, documents and notes that you can then incorporate into your lifebook. I also like to see work that is done digitally and then traditional scrapbook elements are added to the finished, printed layout.

To create a digital lifebook, you can either design your page by page in a program such as Scrapbook Flair, Photoshop or others. You would then have your pages printed individually and you would put them in a traditional scrapbook album in page protectors. You can also use the wonderful services at companies such as Shutterfly, which allow you to import your designs and they will print them into a hardcover book. They also offer templates for scrapbook pages on their website. You can drag and drop in your own pictures, type your own text and it will all be created in a hard covered book for you.

If you are interested in learning more about lifebooks and digital scrabooking so you can make your own digital scrapbook, check out these articles and websites:
Adoption Scrapbooking
Lifebooks
Creating a Lifebook
Digital Scrapbook Place
Digital Scrapbooking Magazine
Vietnamese Digital Scrapbook Kit

Even if you consciously chose to slow things down this year and not go overboard for the holidays, it’s likely that your child can sense things are more stressful and fast paced than usual during this winter season. If your child was recently adopted, has only been home for a short time or is just very sensitive to changes, the holiday season can wreak havoc on their emotions and behavior.

With the holiday rush behind us, it’s time to unwind and come down from the crazy days leading up to the winter holidays. Children who are newly adopted may be feeling overwhelmed from the festivities and material gifts that they were given. Younger children whose sleep schedules may have been disrupted will need at least a few days to get back on track. Here are some ideas about how to help your family recover from the busy days surrounding the holidays:

Hibernate. Even if you live somewhere warm, you can hole up in your home and make a strict immediate family only policy for a few days. Try to plan so no one needs to leave the house unless they have to for work or other necessary outings. Although you’re technically staying in, do plan for some outdoor time together. Walks or games played together can do wonders to help relieve stress.

Limit your family’s television, computer and video game time unless it can be viewed or played by the whole family. Instead, cook meals together and work on projects agreed upon by the whole family.

Encourage quiet time and time for the family to simply hang out together and talk. Crafts are great for days like this; you can even start working on your child’s adoption lifebook with their help if they’re older.

Try to instigate adoption related conversations, such as 'How do the holidays make you think or feel about your birthparents?', 'How do our family’s traditions differ from the ones that you experienced in Viet Nam?'

Overall, take your child’s lead and go with the flow to tend to their needs. We can all use some down time this time of year, and doing it together as a
family can be very rewarding.

photo credit

More Reading:
Holiday Traditions From Our House
Holiday Traditions
Adoptive Family Traditions

We have accomplished another step in our second process to adopt from Viet Nam. Our I600 Petition has been submitted to our local USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services.) Our petition will be help until our final home study report joins it, which should be soon. Our home study agency had forwarded our home study to our placement agency for approval and was in the process of fixing some minor errors and re-sending it the last time we spoke, which was just before Christmas. In the state where we live, USCIS will not process the I600 form without the final home study report, so once the report arrives, our case will begin its journey.

The I600 Petition is titled “Petition to Classify an Orphan as an Immediate Relative.” It is the first step in the USCIS process for an international adoption from Viet Nam. Once the local USCIS office receives the I600 (and home study report, if required,) they will then schedule fingerprinting appointments for all adults over the age of 18 living in the home. After receiving the fingerprint reports that say that you’re a well behaved citizen, you will receive the I171h, or the golden ticket of approvals that will allow you to adopt.

When they send you the fingerprinting appointment, you’re given a date, time and location. We didn’t try to change ours with Ella’s adoption and am sure we’ll do everything in our power to attend the appointment that is given to us. I wouldn’t want to risk pushing the process back even further. If you do need to reschedule the appointment that you are given, I would recommend speaking with your adoption agency first. Perhaps they have a contact at your local USCIS office that can help, or they can act as the middleman for you.

So, now we’re just waiting on that final home study report to be mailed in and our second USCIS journey will officially begin. I’ll be sure to keep you all updated as we accomplish more steps along the way.

photo credit

More Reading:
Home Study Office Visit Completed!
Our Home Study Update
We're Adopting Again!

My February edition of “Creating Keepsakes” magazine came in the mail the other day. As I was enjoying flipping through the pages and daydreaming about all the beautiful scrapbook pages I would suddenly have the time to create, I came across an entire section dedicated to scrapbooking about adoption! The writer of the piece, Heather Jones has a cousin who was adopted domestically and she remembers meeting her for the first time. Being touched by adoption, I assume she was inspired to explore how to best scrapbook about ones own adoption experience.

Who knew that so many scrappers submitted their adoption related layouts to the magazine?! The section, titled “A Gift of Love” is beautiful. I loved that there is a layout done by an an adult adoptee and the rest were by adoptive parents, at least one was a transracial adoption. There are extremely helpful ideas about what to scrap about: the ups and downs of the adoption process, your child’s story, feelings and experiences related to birth parents. It was extremely touching to read and enjoy the layouts that were included in this special section of the magazine.

Encouraging adoptive parents to explore their emotions, even if they’re conflicting concerning adoption related issues, is a great idea. Having a creative outlet, such as scrapbooking, to work through your own feelings can be extremely cathartic. Scrapbooking with your child in mind is also a wonderful idea. Documenting their story, their past, their arrival into your family, can help them understand their past a little bit better because it will be so familiar.

One of the examples shown in “A Gift of Love” is a full album done to document an adoptive mom’s experiences throughout the entire adoption process. The photos of the album and the other layouts are inspiring and make me want to get right on top of scrapbooking about Ella’s adoption.

So, if you’re a scrapper or a wanna be scrapper, check your local scrapbook store, art store or book store for the February 2008 issue of “Creating Keepsakes.” There are wonderful ideas in it to inspire you to scrap about adoption.

photo credit

More Reading:
How to Preserve Your Adoption Trip
Adoption Scrapbooking
Scrapbooking for Your Kids

There’s something about the holidays that make me nostalgic, and I’m sure I’m not alone. Since Ella has entered our lives I have an extremely strong urge to capture her holiday experiences, especially from these years when she’s so young that she probably won’t remember them. Doing some holiday themed scrapbooking is the perfect solution to document these memories and help your child to look back in the years to come.

Here are some ideas on how to scrapbook your family’s holiday memories:

• Focus on your favorite moments, not necessarily the moments that you “think” you should scrapbook. It doesn’t have the be the menorah lighting or the putting up of the Christmas tree that you capture. Maybe your favorite part of the festivities is watching your child cuddle with their much loved relative after a long day. Take a picture of them together, write down how it makes you feel and build a scrapbook page around that.
• If you have adopted an older child and this is their first holiday with you, be sure to capture many moments through pictures and words. Even though they’re not a baby, they still may be experiencing many holiday firsts as a member of your family.
• Scrapbook about your family’s traditions. Document them step by step with pictures and include journaling about when the tradition started and how you partake in it year after year.
• Include all family members. Everyone who’s old enough can make their own page about their favorite holiday memory from this year or years past. Or you can create a page with a photo of every family member and a quote from each of them about how they felt about this past holiday.
• There are tons of holiday themed scrapbook papers, embellishments and albums out there for you to choose from, but you can also use a lot of items that you have around the house. Be careful because not all paper products are acid free, and they can damage photos. You can incorporate wrapping paper, ribbons, cards, envelopes, recipes, invitations, calendar pages, receipts and more into your layouts.

photo credit

More Reading:
How to Preserve Your Adoption Trip
Adoption Scrapbooking
Books for Little Hands