This was the statement that came out of Ella’s pediatrician’s mouth at our most recent office visit. It was said to the physician’s assistant student who is training with our doctor. Ella’s examination with the doctor was over and she was reaching towards this student. She really wanted to get at the blinds covering the window behind her, but I said “Oh, do you want a hug?” and the student smiled, to which our doctor replied “You don’t hug adopted kids.” Huh.

I am fully aware about the importance of attachment and I know that this doctor did not think we should let anyone hold Ella when we first got home, but I was a little taken aback by her comment. She said it lightly and kind of... more

If you haven’t been over to the Anti Racist Parent blog yet, you really need to check it out. I learned about it recently and am inspired every time I read something new there. It is geared specifically towards parents who want to raise their children with an anti racist point of view. Transracial adoptive parents are very much included and many topics that appeal to us are covered.

The columnists at this blog provide such thought provoking ideas and information that you’ll... more

For today’s Love Thursday post, cupcakes represent the amazing support system that my family is lucky enough to have. Those cupcakes mark the culmination of the many exhausting hours of hard work that led up to Miss Ella’s first birthday party that we threw for her this past weekend. There is no way I would have been able to pull it all off if it wasn’t for the family members and friends that pitched in.

The day before the party my house was full of Ella’s female relatives. Both grandmas, a great grandma and an... more

We had just started the adoption process when I received an email from a (now ex) friend of mine. She started off by saying that she didn’t know the proper terms to use in relation to adoption language and to forgive her for any mistakes. She then went on to ask if we; meaning my husband and I, were going to “try again for another baby.” I responded by asking her if she meant another biological child, and telling her that we were indeed having another baby right at that moment and we just didn’t know her yet or when we would meet her. I... more

I’m still trying to wrap my head around how I feel about the holiday that is Birth Mother’s Day. The Saturday before Mother’s Day is set aside to celebrate birth moms each year. When I first head of Birth Mother’s Day I thought it was a great idea…now I’m not so sure. I have done some digging and found birth moms who whole heartedly support and some who vehemently resent the idea of Birth Mother’s Day. The general public may not have ever heard of this day, but it seems to becoming more common and well known within the adoptive community.

I... more

Unless your family already consists of an adopted child (or children), they’ll probably be completely unaware (and possibly resistant) to ideas concerning adopted children and attachment. There are many schools of thought on this topic, but I definitely feel that the first few months home with a new child are extremely important in terms of their attaching to their new parents. Extended and immediate family members may not completely understand why newly adopted children may be treated differently than a biological child, so it is... more

There are plenty of magazine articles and blog posts about the adoptive parent – “real” parent issue. It is a genuine concern for many in the process that they aren’t sure if they will ever feel like their child’s real parent. Can they love a child not born to them? Will they feel like that child is really theirs despite different blood running through them? If they have biological children, will it feel the same? Of course this thought entered my mind, as did every fear and negative experience that could possibly happen.

Luckily, that fear has... more

Lately I have been giving a good deal of thought to Ella as a school aged child. As we prepare to move to a new town I have been researching school districts, and I’m pretty sure that is what has prompted these daydreams. I have been checking statistics to ensure that she is not the only Asian or only minority in her class once she gets to school and that we move to a culturally diverse area. Part of this is guilt related since we are moving from a wonderfully diverse area and I feel badly for removing her (at only one... more

Ella and I took part in “Take Your Child to Work Day” yesterday. Actually, for my mom it was “Take Your Child and Grandchild to Work Day.” My mom is a school nurse at a lovely, small elementary school where literally everyone knows all about Ella and has been a huge support to my mom and us throughout our family building process. They had all seen tons of pictures, but yesterday was the first time that Ella got to meet everyone at the school. It was an awesome experience to be welcomed so warmly... more

It absolutely blows my mind that some families do not support their family member’s decision to adopt. They do not support a new child entering the family because that child will be different. The fact that they do not welcome a child; any child, into their family is sickening to me. It’s sickening because the reason they are most likely shunning the adoptive family is because they now include someone who has a different skin color, is a different race, comes from an unknown background, is disabled…sadly, the list could... more